"... South Africa in the 1970's... working with young people, taking groups of kids from disadvantaged homes on weekend camps. Sitting around the campfire and listening to the stories they told about their lives. Domestic situations, relationships with their peers, all the problems that come from living in dysfunctional families. Realising that I didn't have a clue how to deal with this. I met a LifeLine counsellor who suggested that the LifeLine course would benefit me enormously. I enrolled for the training programme to see if it would help with the work I was doing. In those days, LifeLine rented a flat in the old French Bank Centre, looking out onto Church Square. There were two telephone lines and two counselling rooms..."
That was 28 years ago, when Brian was 26 years old, and he's been a LifeLine counsellor since then.

Thoughts from a LifeLine Counsellor

In the early days of LifeLine we had so few counsellors that I did duty once a week. Now we only have to do duty once a month. I volunteered for the Saturday night shift, and have been doing for the last 22 years. I go in on a Saturday night and leave again on Sunday morning.

I seldom get prank calls. I suppose the kids who usually make these calls are out partying, or hopefully, in bed! The majority of the Saturday night calls are from people who are having relationship problems. A couple has broken up, or a guy didn't pitch for a date. Calls from spouses, usually women. It's three in the morning and their husbands aren't home.

The conversation with callers is people-centred, not problem centred. I can't work out someone's problems. What I can do though is encourage people to look at their internal resources to see what they have to draw on. I take people back to two situations. First I ask them to tell me about a time when things were going well for them. Then I ask them to look at their situation and see what has changed from this time. Secondly I ask them if they have experienced similar problems and overcome them. If so, how and using what resources.

Often a caller can feel so hopeless that there is nothing for them to hold onto. They truly feel that they have no resources, no power left, no control. Then it becomes a case of working with them to the point where they can grab onto something, anything, on that long slippery slope they feel they are sliding down.

Of course, no problem is ever clear-cut and defined. The presented problem is part of a whole host of things that are going wrong. I try to enable callers to find the resources that will lead to a change in their thinking process. I ask them to look at what is positive in their lives. The situation may be so drastic that they think there is nothing positive at all, but they can usually find at least one thing - a good relationship with another person, a pet whom they love - something that gives them joy. I ask them to focus on and build on these positive things. Often people almost need to be given permission to do this - to realise that this behaviour is not self-indulgent. So the process for me is very much a rebuilding one, all the while exploring inner resources.

Our spiritual core is the hub of who we are, and I'd say that 98% of callers have a spiritual problem. Counselling becomes a process of actively working through all the layers that envelop this hub. The physical stuff is what we present as being the outside problem. Someone might phone and say, "It's a cloudy grey day, and weather like this always makes me feel miserable." Once we have talked about this physical layer, then we can move deeper, to the next level, and look at emotional feeling - what in this case for example, misery feels like. Then we can move further down and look at how this affects our relationships with others. Then of course, the next step is looking at our relationship with self. Finally, we reach the core, which is the relationship we have with whomever or whatever God is to us. Once this point is reached it becomes the base from which to start to build up again.

One point that has to be made here, is that spirituality should not be confused with religion, and LifeLine is very clear on this. Spirituality is man's relationship with the creative force that is the essence of being. This spirituality manifests itself in different ways for different people, but I have yet to come across a person who did not have a spiritual base. But many people have lost contact with that base, and that is what the process I have talked about is aimed at doing - to be able to define and discuss the nature of this relationship. For this is often what is fractured and needs to be rebuilt.

I do the Saturday night shift by myself. I seldom see other counsellors - I answer all the calls that come through, on the LifeLine, the Childline and the AIDS line. Because I am the only person available, I have to sit and watch the lights flashing on the other lines, hoping that caller will not give up, will keep trying to get through.

Yes, of course this means that we need more qualified LifeLine counsellors. There is a problem in retaining counsellors. For the last 10 - 15 years the active counsellor list has remained pretty static. The reason for this is not necessarily negative. LifeLine tends to attract busy people who aren't scared to become involved. The reason they move on from LifeLine counselling is that they wish to become involved in something more active in terms of community work - they often feel the need for hands-on personal contact. LifeLine training fulfils a very important role in guiding and developing people to become more whole. LifeLine counselling offers a fantastic training and development ground, where people learn skills and mechanisms that they can carry with them into other fields. So, while we might lose a counsellor, this is often to the benefit of the community in another sphere.

There have been many cases where I feel that the counselling process has been a success, many where I do not know whether the caller has received any benefit, and others which were a complete waste of time...

LifeLine is its own success story. In the years since it started in South Africa, LifeLine has grown from being a telephone counselling service to an organisation that reaches people through community centres, where the door is always open. I think the secret of this success lies in the fact that LifeLine has always been quick to respond to the needs of the community as they presented themselves. Childline is a case in point. LifeLine was incredibly quick to respond when the issue of child abuse was aired on television, properly and for the first time. The next day LifeLine started getting calls from children and was at the forefront in establishing child-oriented resources in response to people going public and being prepared to talk about child abuse. LifeLine has always been there first - responding to the awakening needs of the community. And this is what keeps LifeLine alive and vibrant - our readiness to change, to respond, to remain relevant to the needs of the community.

It's a funny thing, but at times of personal crisis, I seem to have attracted calls from people who have similar problems. I'll never forget a call I received from one man. I had been retrenched, and so I had volunteered for extra LifeLine duties, otherwise I would never have received that call. He called from Plumstead station, and he told me he was waiting for the next train to come so that he could throw himself under it. He told me he was unemployed, and couldn't find work. He saw no point in going on. I told him I was out of work too, and feeling pretty desperate about it. That man ended up counselling me. He told me about things I could try that I hadn't thought of. I heard a train in the background and I asked him if that wasn't the train he was waiting for. 'Well, it's gone past now,' he said.

I'm not the only counsellor who has had this sort of experience. It has happened to others too. For example, a counsellor who is struggling with the relationship with his or her children will receive calls from people with similar problems. If you asked me to spiritualise this, I would say that there's a reason that a caller gets through to the right person at the right time, to someone who can truly empathise.

What's the best advice I can give to someone thinking about becoming a LifeLine counsellor? First of all, I think you need to look very carefully at what is motivating you in this decision. LifeLine work is not glamorous. If you're only doing it to make you feel good about yourself, then find something else to do, because this is not a good enough motivation. LifeLine exposes you to the coal-face, to the heartbeat and struggles of the community. If you want to become part of the healing process of that community - then become a LifeLine counsellor. Secondly, look at what LifeLine will offer you. If you are looking for personal growth and development, this is a good motivation. You need to be able to grow within yourself to be able to encompass others' needs. I have benefited so much from the work I have done for LifeLine over the last 28 years - in my own growth, in my walk through life. It has enabled me to handle the challenges of my life. I suppose this makes me a LifeLine success story!

The biggest strain for me is juggling the demands of work with my LifeLine commitments. I run my own business and as it has grown I find it takes me away from Cape Town more and more - often over a weekend. If I cannot do my duty for any reason, it is my responsibility to find someone to take my place and then I have to make up that duty another time.

I have developed the knack of being able to switch off when I leave the LifeLine flat at 7 am on a Sunday morning. I go home, shower, have breakfast, go to church with my family. I spend as easy a day as I can, and go to bed at the normal time. I skip a night's sleep once a month, and I'm back there the following month for my LifeLine stint....