|
I've just completed the first year of my masters.
Next year I'll do my internship at Groote Schuur,
and after that I'll be sent out into the field,
to do community work. I don't know where that
will be, but as I'm single and have no kids, it's
likely to be somewhere pretty remote.
When I was in Standard 2, (Grade 4) my teacher
was Jenny Mallett*. She worked as a LifeLine counsellor,
and I remember her coming in to class, tired after
doing her LifeLine shift. I was spellbound. Here
was this person who had stayed awake all night,
and people had phoned her to tell her their problems.
Sometimes she told us stories about the people
who had called in. I was awed, fascinated by what
she was doing. I decided then that I would become
a LifeLine counsellor too. But first I had to
grow up, because you can only start the Lifeline
courses when you are 21.
I turned 21 in July, and enrolled for the Personal
Growth course on 21 August 2001. I was selected
for the Communication and Counselling course,
and thereafter I have been doing voluntary work
for LifeLine ever since.
The great thing about LifeLine is that if you
are willing to become involved, all sorts of doors
open for you. I do my telephone shifts twice a
month, and do two all night sessions twice a year.
In addition to that, I do group work with probationers.
After you've completed the Communication and Counselling
course, you have to undergo an 8-month probationary
period, and I work as a supervisor for these groups.
I've also facilitated the Personal Growth and
Communication and Counselling courses. I enjoy
doing the telephone work, and see it as being
a vital and integral part of what LifeLine offers.
Working with the groups, and as a facilitator
is a more hands-on sort of experience - interacting
with people, and learning, each day, how very
alike we all are. It's a relief. Here you are
working with these people who seem so together,
but the moment you begin a process of exploration,
you realise that everyone has problems, everyone
has experienced pain, we all have shortcomings.
And we all deal with these experiences in different
ways. Learning about others, seeing who they are,
is an important part of learning how to empathise
with other people.
Often, the most difficult thing to do is share
your problems with the people closest to you.
I know this seems ironic, but it's true. It's
easier, and to a degree more liberating, to be
able to pick up a phone and talk to a complete
stranger. One of the most important things LifeLine
offers people is the opportunity to just be. People
need to be given permission to feel without being
judged. They need to be given the space, time
and encouragement to talk. They need this relief
first, and then they can move on to looking at
solutions, solutions they arrive at, not ones
prescribed by someone else.
In order to approach any problem, quite a few
layers usually have to be stripped away. When
you reach a person's core, you find someone who,
like all of us, is vulnerable, honest and frightened.
This core, this spiritual part of a person is
often not exposed. Some people are frightened
by its existence; others have lost touch with
it completely. Some reach the point where they
can acknowledge this; others take longer to strip
away the protective layers between them, the world,
and the essence of who they are.
One incredibly frustrating aspect of working
as a telephone counsellor is the number of hoax
calls we get, particularly on the Childline number.
I can't understand the sort of people who make
them, I'd like to talk to them, try to see what
it is that makes them do this sort of thing. Another
taxing element of telephone counselling is wondering
whether the person you have spoken to has been
relieved, enabled, assisted in any way. Sometimes
I wish I had longer with them, it's not always
possible to fully get to grips with things in
the space of a 45-minute conversation. I have
to be able to let go of this sort of worry and
realise that, ultimately, people are responsible
for their own lives. The only thing I or anyone
else can do is show them that they hold the power,
to make decisions, to find solutions. People need
to be given permission to realise the truth of
this.
The more I think about life, the more I realise
there is no such thing as right or wrong. Often,
after I have spoken to someone, I find it difficult
to assess the call. A fellow Psychology student
once said to me, "If we wanted right or wrong,
clear-cut and well defined answers, we'd be doctors.
The bone is broken. The bone needs to be set."
But in the profession I've chosen, there is no
right or wrong, no black or white, and I'm not
dealing with parts of the body that can, hopefully,
be fixed. Nothing is quantifiable, and that's
part of the joy, and the challenge. Words that
stick in my mind are, "If at first you don't
succeed, try and try again." They say so
much about who we are, what we have to do, and
what life is.
My age? Well, sometimes I do feel that only being
24 does count against me. Older people say things
like, "You sound very young. How could you
possibly understand my sort of problem?"
This is to some degree a challenge, but it can
be used to my advantage too. I can ask them why
my age bothers them, and use this as a tool for
getting them to talk about themselves. Because
this is what the call is about, indeed what any
aspect of LifeLine work is about, getting people
to talk, getting them to express themselves, getting
them to look at and understand themselves. Once
again, it comes back to the same basic principles:
we all have fears, uncertainties and worries.
I will never be able to experience another person's
pain, but I can empathise with them. And, when
you come down to it, as much as my age is an issue,
so is the fact that I'm a male, who talks to women
about things he could never experience. But this
is true of any counsellor. None of us can say
we've experienced everything life has to offer.
What we can say though is, "I hear you, do
you want to talk about this?"
So many people, young, old, black, white, male
or female, just aren't listened to. They aren't
given a chance to say, "This is who I am.
These are my fears", without being judged,
or being told what they should be doing. People
don't want me to give them the answers. If it
were that easy, they'd have found the answers
on their own. It's always easy (and tempting)
to solve other people's problems for them. But
these aren't true solutions, because they are
not my problems. This is one thing LifeLine teaches
counsellors, and teaches us well. Our job is not
to prescribe, not to provide solutions. It's to
listen, and be there as people find their own
way towards solutions that work for them. The
beauty is that I don't have to have the answers;
the challenge comes from enabling people to find
those answers for themselves.
Lifeline seems to be attracting a growing number
of younger counsellors. I think this is because
LifeLine has shown its mettle and adjusted to
the need to advertise more, show people what LifeLine
does. Childline and LifeLine are doing great work
in the schools, showing younger people that the
option of becoming a volunteer is open to all
ages. LifeLine is of incredible value to the community.
Looking at it broadly, as well as allowing people
the chance to talk and be heard, LifeLine has
identified many other areas within the community
where it can be of use. South Africa is a place
where things are in constant flux, and LifeLine
and Childline have realised the need to change,
adapt, and keep changing. As a result, there's
huge scope for anyone who wants to become involved.
The telephone crisis lines are vital, but there's
more to LifeLine and Childline than these services.
There are all sorts of ways in which you can become
involved, and LifeLine allows you the chance to
use your training in many spheres. So much is
needed in South Africa, and LifeLine and Childline
are doing their bit in stepping up to the plate.
One of the things I've learned, through the courses
I've done at LifeLine, and through studying psychology,
is that before I can possibly think of being of
any assistance to other people, I need to be able
to look after myself first. I can't spend my whole
life engaging with people on an emotional level.
I'm a sports fanatic - I play rugby, cycle, play
squash, a bit of tennis. I'm your average sort
of student - I like to watch bad movies, hang
out with my friends. When I've qualified, I'd
like to spend some time travelling, being frivolous
and carefree for a while.
But all the while, there's a deeper side to life,
one that runs concurrent to everything I do. LifeLine
has truly taught me the value of this. Often,
the humdrum side of life takes away the ability
to step back, to assess things as they really
are. Young people in my situation are faced with
lifestyle choices, many of which can't be avoided.
We have to look at our responsibilities, the need
to earn a living, hold a steady job. It's good
to take time out and look beyond the material
side of life, live in the present. Reflection
on what I truly expect and need gives me the chance
to make choices, hopefully the right ones. Life
is a powerful river and sometimes I get caught
in the flow of things, carried to where I don't
necessarily want to be.
Not many people know that I'm a LifeLine counsellor,
I don't volunteer the information. My family know,
of course, and my close friends. I'm proud to
be a LifeLine counsellor, but it's something I
tend to keep private. However, quite a few of
my fellow students know I work at LifeLine and
they have asked me about it, what it's like. Some
of them have chosen to do the LifeLine courses
and some of them have become counsellors. Maybe
they would have done this without any input from
me; after all, the field of work we have chosen
makes voluntary work with an organisation like
LifeLine a logical thing to do.
I can't tell anyone why they should do the LifeLine
courses, or why they should become LifeLine counsellors
- that would mean I'd be telling them why to do
so, and would run contrary to everything I've
learned! I suppose though, one needs to be interested
in this sort of work, and curious too. There's
so much going on, at LifeLine, and becoming volunteer
offers the chance to learn more, to find out more,
to come into contact with life. But really, all
the people I've met, counsellors, facilitators,
supervisors, have had been motivated by different
reasons. This is great, because it makes for a
variety of volunteers. Starting with the Personal
Growth course is the first step, after that, it's
motivation that keeps you there. People suss you
out pretty quickly. If you aren't honest about
yourself they become pretty sceptical about why
you're there. What I do say to anyone who asks
me is how very accessible and rewarding the LifeLine
courses are. I would encourage anyone interested
to start with the Personal Growth course and see
where that leads. Just doing this, to learn a
more about yourself, who you are and where you
are, is wonderful. I can't describe the feeling
of being part of a Personal Growth group. It opens
up in you an incredible ability to share, to say
things about yourself that you wouldn't even tell
your closest friends.
Inscribed on Apollo's Oracle of Delphi, a temple
in ancient Greece, are the words "Know thyself."
Further inside the temple, there's another room,
on which the words "Thou art" are written.
That, for me, sums it all up. No feelings are
wrong, although some actions may be. We can get
so caught up in trying to do the right thing,
being the person others want us to be, that we
forget to be and do what is right for us. The
only way we're ever going to do this is by knowing
ourselves, and being ourselves. . .
*Jenny Mallett was a
very committed and well loved LifeLine counsellor,
facilitator and trainer in Cape Town for over
20 years. She joined the organisation in November
1977 and was actively involved in LifeLine voluntary
work until her untimely death in April 1999.
|
