I started working as a LifeLine counsellor in 2003. The year 2002 was a terrible year for me. I lost my son, because of AIDS. I was sick, I was depressed, this was truly the dark side of my life. I thought I was dying. I was lacking forgiveness, I thought my life had been destroyed. And then I heard about LifeLine and I thought maybe this will help me.

The Personal Growth course helped me so much. After I finished it, I went on to the communication and counselling skills course and then decided to go for selection, to see if I could become a lay counsellor. I was successful, and now work as a lay counsellor in a clinic in Khayelitsha.

I love going to the clinic because I like talking to people. I especially like to meet people who have the same problems as me, because I can show them that there is so much about life that is positive, that there is something good ahead for them. It is not helpless, it is not hopeless, there is a light in their future. This is something I’ve learnt to accept for myself: there is so much I can still do and give even though I am HIV positive.

People need to talk. They need to know there is someone who will listen. They like it when they are looked in the eye, when there is warmth, welcome, genuine feeling and caring. They like to be able to say, “ I can help myself, I can decide what I want to do.”

The best thing, for me, about working with people who have HIV or AIDS is that I am working with clients who are coming from the same place as me. I believe that if the client has the same problem as me, it is easier for them to talk. The same for depression. If you have been depressed, you know how it feels; you can understand where the person is.

With HIV, the big problem is disclosure. People think, here I am now, and what will happen to me? How will people deal with me, the community, my family, my friends? How will they treat me at work, or at school? Mothers and fathers worry about their children. They wonder, what is my life going to be like? What will my children’s life be like?

I am mainly at the clinic for counselling, when people are being tested. Most mothers are there because of their children. We start chatting; it is very informal. I can ask the mother what she knows about HIV. If the child is being tested for HIV I can ask her, “How will you feel if this test is positive? How will the father feel?” People need this; they need to be prepared if the test is positive.

The nurses at the clinic are glad to see us. They are glad we have the time to talk to people. We give them extra help, we provide more hands, we give them more time.

If you are a LifeLine counsellor, you need to be active and flexible. You have to be able to think quickly, and be well informed when people come to talk to you. You have to be able to take people as they are; you have to think, what would it be like to be in their shoes? You must be able to feel with people, and laugh with them too. I have a good laugh, a strong, strong laugh, and sometimes when I am in another room, then people think there is a crowd in there, but it is only me.

I love to be with people, and I try by all means to be where they are. Good listening means good relationships, and this is very important.

There are people who can survive without the crowd, people who need time to be alone, and this is good - there is less stress, less noise. But usually, people who are HIV positive need the support of friends and family. Sometimes a family can be over supportive. They can make you sick by telling you you are sick, even when you have a long time to live – because being HIV positive doesn’t mean you are going to die tomorrow. You can live for a long, long time.

Most of the families of people who are HIV positive don’t want to come for counselling. They should, because they don’t know how to cope. I think maybe this is part of the stigma of HIV. People are scared to come to a counsellor, because they think that others will think they are also HIV positive. This is part of a big problem. People think, how can I be friends with someone who is HIV positive? Some people even say this whole thing is not true, there is no such thing as HIV and AIDS – until they get it. This is very sad.

Some people who are HIV positive won’t use condoms. One lady said to me that there is a worm in the spermicide on the condoms, and if you use the condom the worm will go into your stomach. I couldn’t believe it when she said that. So there are so many people who want to get rid of condoms. I can’t understand this. Do they want to be infected? Do they want to die? Or do they want to live? The stories about condoms come from poor people, people who are not educated. They believe these stories.

One thing that makes me very sad about HIV is the children who are infected. How are they going to cope? They are teased; they are bullied. And if you are a mother or a father and your child is infected, how do you tell them that you are the cause?

I would like all people who are HIV positive to know that they can still move from A to B. You have to live a positive lifestyle. You need to be able to get rid of those things in your life that are not good for you. You must choose your friends, be with people who will help you, not destroy you. Find support, identify support. Counselling is so good here, don’t keep problems inside you. If you do this, you will add stress to your life, and if you are HIV positive stress will make you sick. Stress is terrible. The thing to remember is that the choice is yours. And you must make the right choice for you.

*The names of some people in this story have been changed in keeping with LifeLine’s policy of confidentiality.